


If It Makes You Happy

by 2queer4here



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Blowjobs, Bottom Wade Wilson, Come Eating, Licking, Multi, Self-Esteem Issues, Wigs, eating pussy, self deprecating humour, wade sucks dick and eats pussy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:48:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25563844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2queer4here/pseuds/2queer4here
Summary: The amount of sex Wade’s had since the whole Weapon X fiasco had dropped significantly.“I wish I was dropping. To my knees. Or y’know, dead.”And though Wade couldn’t blame any of his potential partners for being turned off by his cannoli crust face he really missed having sex. He missed the warm weight of another person against him and the feeling of being drained after and he very much missed having his hair pulled.Or the one where Wade gets a wig.
Relationships: Domino/Wade Wilson, Dopinder (Marvel)/Wade Wilson, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Kudos: 48





	If It Makes You Happy

**Author's Note:**

> Title from If it makes you happy by Sheryl Crow.

The amount of sex Wade’s had since the whole Weapon X fiasco had dropped significantly.

  
  


“I wish I was dropping. To my knees. Or y’know, dead.”

  
  


And though Wade couldn’t blame any of his potential partners for being turned off by his cannoli crust face he really missed having sex. He missed the warm weight of another person against him and the feeling of being drained after and he very much missed having his hair pulled.

  
  


Back when he didn’t royally screw things up with Vanessa, before the super cancer, he kept his hair just long enough that his girl could get a nice grip on it. She would yank it out of irritation when he was lazing on the couch when he was supposed to be doing the functional human adult thing, pet through it fondly when they were curled around each other, and she was the best at pulling it just right when they fucked. God, Vanessa was great. The best. The whole thing was depressing. He couldn’t grow hair on his fucked up head anymore, so he had turned to the good ole internet for solutions.

  
  


When he first got cancer, after the denial had worn off, Vanessa made him join a group online for people diagnosed young. He had humoured her at the time because she was the love of his life, but he mostly looked into the conversations other members had very rarely chiming in himself.

  
  


Wade was expecting the forum to suggest therapy for what was clearly a sad and touched starved man missing his glory days, but surprisingly most people kindly suggested looking into wigs.

  
  


_ Wigs can boost self confidence and make it easier to get back into the swing of your normal life before cancer. I would suggest starting with a cheap wig to get the feel of it without going broke and save up for a better quality one. _

  
  


It’s not like he’s strapped for cash- ha, insert some kind of pegging or sex work joke here- but why waste the money on something beautiful that’s just going to wilt on someone as hideous as him?

  
  


Strangely, Wade had never been more grateful to someone online with the username  (insert here) before.

  
  


Wade follows the advice and within minutes is able to find an affordable wig he really likes and one that is more realistic for his face. There are a lot of options to choose from and all from a million different sites. He has to choose between short and long, pink or red or green or brown or blonde, human or synthetic, and straight or wavy or with a curl pattern. He stops for a minute to consider all the beautiful black women with curly hair and wonders if it would be weird to try to find a group on facebook for encouragement. Black women were dreamy. Black men too. Black non binary people as well.

  
  


Wade hums losing himself looking at the women and forgetting the task at hand. He orders both without spending a fortune and celebrates with take out.

  
  


While he doesn’t expect any kind of thanks from the Super Asses he teams up with occasionally, Wade feels like the local restaurants that offer delivery should thank him for single handedly keeping their businesses afloat. Nobody used to go to Wok n Roll until Wade decided to give the place a chance. Now look! Business up the wahzoo.

  
  


Three weeks later Wade is squealing as he signs for his package with an infectious grin even his mailman can’t help but mirror. His first thought upon ripping through cardboard and tape, leaving his bathroom floor a mess, is that he is in love with both these wigs.

  
  


They come in a discreet white box with a weird looking comb inside of them and two pieces of a stocking? Wade wants to throw an insanely expensive wedding for these wigs and honeymoon in some fancy rich people place for a month before deciding to just leave their old lives behind them and live there. He tries the blonde one out first. It is longer than his own hair had been, with a swoopy bang and was fuller than his had been too. Wade pulled the wig gently onto his head and breathed out a sigh of relief that it fit.  _ And didn’t look too bad? _ Wade assessed it as he combed through it with his fingers; it was just shiny enough to be suspicious, but he could fix that with a good dry shampoo and the fly aways by the part in the front needed to go, but other than that it wasn’t too bad.

  
  


He would never look normal again. His face would never smooth out to something more human. He would never be able to quite stomach the sight of himself and neither would anyone else. But here, in this moment, Wade fully understood self care in the vainest form. It didn’t cure his long list of mental illnesses or make him instantly appreciate his body despite its flaws, but it did make it easier to look at himself in the mirror without such a harsh wave of self depreciation rise up to swallow him whole. If Wade hated his appearance a 9.5 out of 10 on a regular day he hated it a 6.5 with the hair.

  
  


He slid the wig off placing it into his sink to remind himself that it needed to be sprayed before trying on the other one. It was noticeably longer, hitting his upper back and a very sweet baby pink colour. It had a bit of dark roots seeping through that Wade did not entirely dislike and also fit well on his head. This one wasn’t as shiny, but could definitely use a touch up on its waves since it had gotten a little crushed during shipping. All in all it was beautiful. A stunning 10 out of 10, plus everybody knew long hair made your butt look bigger and Deadpool’s butt was already sexy.

  
  


Wade forgoes sleep in exchange for munching happily on chicken lo mein and binge watching video after video of people on YouTube doing stuff with their wigs. Customizing the hair line, dyeing them a rainbow of colours, cutting them, styling them, cutting the lace, and glueing them down. At least he was already bald so he didn’t have to worry about braiding his real hair. Tomorrow when he wasn’t so full and sleepy he was so going to try his hand at trimming his blonde wig and glueing it down. With glue he didn’t have. Because he didn’t think this far ahead. Which meant a trip to CVS. The thought of moving anywhere with his food baby made Wade groan. He pulled a throw blanket from the back of his ratty couch over his body and snuggled in for some rest.

  
  


He had woken up and the first thing he did was trim his blonde wig and wash it with strawberries and cream shampoo and conditioner. Next he had dried it carefully with the lowest setting on Vanessa’s old hair dryer and brushed through it as if it would break apart in his hands. With nothing but time on his hands til the cabbie arrived Wade’s mind started to wander and he debated on changing into something nicer for the occasion. He was pretty sure Dopinder had seen him without his mask before so he didn’t really have to wear the suit. 

Dopinder was his kindest friend. He would tell Wade the truth about how he looked.

  
  


He tried to hide his happy energy but a few giggles slipped out. Nodding to himself Wade pulled on  (insert clothes here) . Fifteen minutes later Dopinder was calling Wade to let him know he was waiting downstairs. Wade bounced down the stairs stopping to twirl on the sidewalk beside the passenger side door. Dopinder’s mouth dropped as he did a double take.

  
  


“Hey hey hey!” Wade greets jumping into the cab.

  
  


Dopinder sputtered still staring at him.

  
  


“Mr. Pool, your hair. And your clothes. I have never seen you so put together!” He laid on the compliments thick, barely able to keep his eyes on the road.

  
  


“Y’know I thought it was about time I stopped being bald. Bald or ugly pick one, y’know?” Deadpool laughed.

  
  


“But you are not ugly Mr. Pool.” Dopinder was a sweet man. A kind man who truly believed that Wade Wilson wasn’t one of the bad guys despite skipping out on his fare a fair amount of times and regularly making Dopinder drive them towards danger. He also was not one to lie, so if he said Wade looked good then Wade looked good. It sent a happy thrill though his body settling into a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was so ready to get laid. And Dopinder was attractive, and he did have nice hands…

  
  


Wade didn’t think twice about leaning over in his seat and unzipping the other mans jeans. He reached through the open zipper and into a pair of soft boxers to grab his prize.

  
  


“Ah!”

  
  


Wade felt the car veer off course, but didn’t hear any protests. Dopinder’s dick was flaccid but still cute and rapidly hardening in his hand. Wade jerked it in his hand using his spit for lubrication.

  
  


“Why hello there.” He purred before pressing a kiss to the slit. Wade sighed lovingly before rubbing the hard cock over his cheeks, inhaling its smell deeply, and popping the head into his mouth. The delicious taste of good dick washed over his mouth causing Wade to moan and pull off, sucking up his excess spit as he went.

  
  


“Your dick is amazing. You should pull my hair.” Wade goes back to his treat humming happily and licks sloppily up the sides. Dopinder groans above him and then there is the golden moment of contact: Dopinder’s hand finds Wade’s blonde locks and threads his fingers into it scratching at Wade’s scalp. Wade melts. His body goes slack and his throat opens up enough to let the cock in his mouth slide into his throat. He almost forgot how good it felt to be full of someone you loved. Well maybe not loved, but Dopinder was definitely the best and a trusted friend. Which made him drooling around his cock even better.

  
  


Wade was giving the world’s laziest blow job and Dopinder was still into it. Wade turned so he could suckle and watch how the brown man bit his lip to keep in his noises but was still so loud. He whimpered and his eyes closed slightly as he curled his hand around Wade’s head to bring his mouth further down. Wade swallowed around him and Dopinder moaned wildly. He popped off with an obscene sound that had him grinning and his partner blushing. He moved down to fondle and lick Dopinder’s balls and dammit he always forgot to play with the balls when he sucked dick. He really sucked- pun intended.

  
  


Wade slurped one ball into his wet mouth. Dopinder groaned finally giving Wade what he wanted: a firm tug on his hair. Wade rewarded him by choking down his cock again. He pushed as much as he could into his throat without pushing his gag reflex too far, looking up to pretty brown eyes cloudy with pleasure.

  
  


Dopinder smiles like a dope at him tapping the side of Wade’s cheek to signal his orgasm. Wade pulled back until just the head was left in his mouth and swallowed down a mouthful of warm cum. It’s not overly salty, but still tastes of a man. Dopinder must keep a good diet. Wade doesn’t think he’s ever seen him eat.

  
  


Wade keeps the tip of Dopinder in his mouth sucking until the man makes a choking noise and pushes his mouth away.

  
  


“Thank you.” Dopinder pulled the car over and leaned back fully to pant in his afterglow.

  
  


“No, thank you Dopinder!” Wade tucked his dick away and leaned up to kiss his cheek.

  
  


“Well, this is me. See you around.”

  
  


Wade exited the cab and headed into Sister Mary’s. Weasel looked up from cleaning a mug and instantly did a double take. Score two!

  
  


Wade tried to put a swing in his hips as he went over to the bar to order a drink.

  
  


“Damn Wade.” Weasel set the mug down to look at him closely, reaching over the counter to run his fingers through a chunk of blonde hair.

  
  


“One peach bellini, please, and don’t leave a girl starving for a compliment.” Weasel makes his drink bringing it over to him and leans his arms on the counter.

  
  


“You look decent. Less like an avocado and more like a semi attractive scary guy with your average face deformity.”

  
  


Wade downs half his drink briefly morning the loss of the dick taste in his mouth and grins. Two men have validated him in the span of 24 hours, how much better could this day get?

  
  


It gets even better.

  
  


He leaves the bar just to run right into a great pair of breasts belonging to one of his favourite ladies; Domino. He nuzzles into the soft sweater she’s wearing and inhales the smell of those fruity hair products black women use.

  
  


She laughs and pulls him up to get a better look at him. “And here I thought I was the one with all the luck. Wanna get lunch?”

  
  


Lunch to Domino turns out to be reheated lasagna she had made the night before in her pretty apartment while Wade lays between her legs on the couch eating her out. Dom’s got one hand fisted into his hair and continues using the other to pick at the food on her plate balanced precariously on her stomach. Wade licks up her puffy lips stopping every so often to suck on her clit.

  
  


He uses one hand to rub a thumb over her nipple while the other hand spreads her open so he can stuff his tongue inside her, pushing his face deeper into her and sniffing. Dom laughs above him and pushes him away slightly.

  
  


“Easy there tiger. Stick to licking.”

“Yes ma’am.” Wade smiles looking at her cunt and starts drawing out the letters of her full name with his tongue. She sighs, moving her plate to the coffee table beside them. He switches breasts to paw at her left side, his finger going to tease her entrance. He swirls the tip of his finger inside her pussy and suckles on her clit.

  
  


Dom pulls his hair harder moving him down to her opening so he focus on tongue fucking her. Wade moans and dives his tongue in and out of her.

  
  


Dom cums with his tongue as far inside her as it will go and Wade licks up her mess.

  
  


Women always have a lighter flavour to them than men and Wade savours it.

  
  


“You look good babe.” Dom pulls him up to rest on her chest and play more with his hair. She tilts his head to kiss his salty mouth licking the rest of her cum out of him before snapping a picture of him with her phone. She positions him with his hand under his grin and a little half smile taking another one. She sends them to him as she wiggles back into her panties.

  
  


“Want me to take care of that?” She asks in question to his still hard dick.

  
  
  


“Not this time beautiful. I have more people to wow.”

  
  
  


Wade lays back in his bed at his apartment staring at his phone. After Dom’s he left to stop by Al’s to brag about his full head again to which she scoffed that he should have gone with red and shut the door on him.

  
  


Now he was staring at his phone lazily running his land up and down his stomach staring at his phone. Sometime between Al and going home Colossus had sent him a text. A very rousing text. A very rousing flirty text saying “Dom sent me a picture of your new hair. Looks very nice. Stop by and say hi sometime.”

  
  


His metal honey was finally warming up to him. He’s in the middle of writing a raunchy text back when there’s a knock on his window. Outside hanging from a thread is Spiderman. His red and blue love!

  
  


“Hey Wade, wanna come help me and Mr. Stark with a slime monster?”

  
  


Wade jumps up holding a finger nodding and changing into his suit. Peter politely looks away. When he is finished Wade opens the window slipping outside.

  
  


“Oh whoa, nice hair DP! You look great.” Wade hugs Peter so tight it throws him off balance causing them to fall until Peter is able to shoot a web to the next building flinging them up out of danger.

  
  


“My hero!”

  
  


They connect with Tony fighting a green slimy blob. Wade plays more with it in his good mood than fighting but they manage to destroy it with a grenade after Wade gets bored. Tony mentions that keeping your hair outside of your mask is impractical because a big bad would just pull it.

  
  
  


To which Wade says: “Yeah, that’s what I want.”

  
  
  


And Peter is confused.

  
  
  


“Got my hair pulled twice today!”

  
  


“I could pull your hair if that’s something you want?” Peter offers.

  
  


Tony looks disgusted and scandalized, but Wade just jumps into Peter’s arms, smacking a wet kiss to Peter’s mask covered nose. 

  
  



End file.
